Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Ready to Be Gone; Not Ready to Leave

College dorm life is now 16 days away. I've been wondering what it'll be like. Right now I keep drifting back to "terrifying," "impossible," and also "necessary."

I'm not ready yet, of course. Is it any surprise that whenever I try to prepare, I search for something else to do? Anything. Nothing in me wants to leave. I just want to stay here, and skip college. Why not? I'll just live in my parents house, forever and ever, earning money at Chick-fil-A until I make enough to rule the world, or at least buy a house. And it would certainly make life easier socially; I'd be able to stay with my friends, and stop forcing myself to check my advances when I want to chase a relationship. What would it be like to just forget it all and stay here?

I won't find out. Giving up isn't an option, although sometimes I wonder why not.

All that said, something in my psyche (or my psychosis, depending on how well you know me) is sort of looking forward to it. How bad could it be, perhaps, to just be on my own for a while? It'll be a maturing experience. And that's quite true, and somewhat exciting. The worrying parts are bigger, though, and they all have to do with money. For starters, I may be eligible for work study, but most of those jobs won't have me or, just as bad, require a car, which I will definitely not have. (In other news, I'm going to drop off of my parents' insurance plan this month; I wouldn't use it at all in college anyway, and this will cut their monthly rates in half.) Beyond that is the impending doom of student loans. But these are worries for tomorrow; for today, I'll just have to set my sights lower.

15 days, 7 hours, 7 minutes, and counting.


  1. Chan! I'm going to miss you so much! It's going to be so weird not having you around. It's going to be really hard for me not to call you up when we're doing something...like I did today.... But I know that you'll have so much fun living on your own. I'm actually kind of jealous :). You already know we'll miss you a lot, but I'll say it again: CHAN, WE'LL MISS YOU SO MUCH! You MUST come and visit. There is no choice. It is not an option. You WILL come and visit. Often. Every weekend. :) I've already been praying for you, Kristen, and Rachel and I never will stop.